It’s everyone’s worst nightmare. We all worry about getting into a long term relationship and then getting into a rut where the sex is boring and dull. I once had a friend who was dating a guy for several months and she and the guy she was dating only had sex once in that whole time. They didn’t realise until later on when they met up as friends that they had actually been in a sex rut. While it’s too late for my friend and the guy she was dating, there are some signs that you can look out for that will show that you’re in a sex rut. When you know what the signs are then you can take action to improve your sex life.
 
The first thing is to actually figure out what a sex rut is. A sex rut is when couples feel as if they are completely stuck in their sex life and they’re worried that the quality of their sex is decreasing. Whether they don’t have sex as much or it’s just dull is a pretty good sign that you’re in a sex rut.
 
A sex rut is of course different from simply having a lull in the relationship. Most relationships will have peaks and valleys where the sex is great and terrible.
 
It can normally be caused by a lack of communication. Maybe you don’t know how to communicate your desires with your partner or you don’t know how to communicate outside of the bedroom and so that miscommunication has a flow on effect to the bedroom.
 
It can also be caused by not knowing how to obtain pleasure. Whether you don’t know what turns you on or you don’t know how to express that to your partner it could cause problems in the bedroom.
 
It’s not all bad news though and there are things that you can do to improve your sex life.
 

The first thing is to communicate that you’re not happy with how your sex life is. It may not be the most fun conversation to have but it’s way better to have an awkward conversation that will lead to an improved sex life than to break up with your partner because you aren’t getting the sex you want. Rather than using negative language it’s best to use positive language. That means that instead of saying what you don’t want, let your partner know what you do like so that they can focus on those things and encourage them to do the same.

You can switch up the routine. If you always have sex in the same position at exactly the same time of day in the same room then it’s no wonder you’re probably feeling a little bit bored. Mix it up and start with spontaneously groping them, or initiating sex when they least expect it. As you do this more frequently you’ll find that the spark returns to your sex life and that you are craving more.
 
Spend more time focused on foreplay and just focus on being with each other. It’s very easy to get caught up in the routine and wanting to orgasm rather than just focusing on enjoying it for what it is.
 
A sex rut doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is over and if you act early enough you can improve your sex life and have a happier and healthier relationship.