Using sex toys isn’t seen as taboo like it was 10 to 20 years ago. It’s pretty normal and we are much more open with engaging in and talking about sex. That applies to relations with one night stands and those with long term partners.
Despite our openness where sex is concerned it is still much easier to ask a one night stand to restrain you than it is your long term partner. This is because there is an element of repression in long term relationships and also because one night stands have an air of mystery about them.

There are reports that suggest that those in longer relationships struggle to deviate from the sex that they are used to. Despite being in a long term relationship women feel embarrassed and are worried that they will come across as too kinky or wild. Men on the other hand feel inadequate and are worried that they’ll be replaced. So many men have taken issue with women using sex toys.

There was recently an episode of the Sex and the City reboot, And Just Like That where Seema used a vibrator and her partner took issue with it. This was despite the same man using a penis pump. Men feel that they could be replaced by sex toys but that is not going to happen. While a sex toy can fulfil a carnal need it can’t replace human connection.
The best place to start with incorporating sex toys into your life is to start a conversation. So how do you do that? The first thing you need to know before you broach the topic is that you’re entirely normally and everyone is interested in different things sexually, so while you’ve never done certain things with your partner, they are common sexual desires. There is also a chance that your partner owns sex toys but doesn’t talk about it themselves so they may also be relieved to know that you are on the same page and that you’re open to experimentation.
There are many statistics about sex toy ownership with over 50% of women reporting that they own at least one. It is highly likely that number has grown since the research was conducted because it’s possible to buy sex toys from businesses like ours.
Pick a time when both you and your partner are relaxed and in a good mood. When you bring up the topic reassure your partner that you are satisfied by what they’re doing but you think it would be fun to take things to the next level by introducing sex toys. If you’re unsure about going in straight for the kill then start with low level ideas like introducing lube or playing around with flavoured condoms rather than just plain ones.
There’s no magic number of times you should have had sex with your partner before asking them if they want to incorporate things like anal beads or handcuffs. You’ll need to judge it based on the sex you’ve had with them and how you think they’ll respond. You could start by casually mentioning a news article you read about sex toys to get their feedback on what they think about them.

If they agree to use sex toys then make it a give and take situation where you both have a say on how you use them and you do.  It’s important that you both find the incorporation of sex toys enjoyable.

By Libby Shaw


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